Welcome to my “humor corner”, but be forewarned this isn’t necessarily PC. Its not that bad either…

14-February-2008:

A little love for the guys in Redmond…make mine a bourbon:

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28-Jan-2008:

HOW TO HANDLE IRRITATING SEAT-MATES ON AN AIRPLANE
If you are sitting next to someone who irritates you follow these instructions:

1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Start up
4. Make sure the guy who is annoying you, can see the screen.
5. Close your eyes, tilt your head up to the sky & move your lips as if praying
6. Then hit this link

09-Jan-2008:

Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2008

Number 10

Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8

Men have two emotions:Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.

Number 6

Some people are like a Slinky …
Not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4

All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to Criticism.

Number 3

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Number 2

In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

and The Number 1 Thought For 2008

We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and millions of cows in America but we haven’t got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration?

Props out to my humor source on this one…

04-Dec-2007:

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02-Nov-2007:

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN :

  1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
  2. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
  3. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
  4. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
  5. Rinse conditioner off hair.
  6. Shave armpits and legs.
  7. Turn off shower.
  8. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
  9. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
  10. Get out of shower.
  11. Dry with towel the size of a small country.
  12. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
  13. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
  14. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

  1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
  2. Get in the shower
  3. Wash your face.
  4. Wash your armpits.
  5. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
  6. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
  7. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
  8. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
  9. Wash your hair.
  10. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
  11. Pee.
  12. Rinse off and get out of shower.
  13. Partially dry off.
  14. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
  15. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
  16. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
  17. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
  18. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
  19. Throw wet towel on bed.